


Somebody Else

by itsjustthetenthdoctor



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Stenny - Freeform, also i know being a "virgin" is a societal concept calm down it's fanfiction, also they're all at least 18, don't worry the OC isn't a self-insert just a plot device, except kyle he's smol and 17, sassy kenny is sassy, stan is... well stan. nihilistic and also sassy, they love each other and i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 02:31:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11819370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsjustthetenthdoctor/pseuds/itsjustthetenthdoctor
Summary: Based off the song of the same title by The 1975.Kenny is sleeping around - a lot. Which, normally, Stan wouldn't take issue with. But today... today it's stressing him out.He tried quitting smoking.(He really did.)





	Somebody Else

“Is that… is that lipstick?”

“What? Where?”

“Uh. There,” Stan said, awkwardly, pointing accusingly at the bright red stain on his friend. “On your jacket?”   
  
Kyle looked up from his phone, ducking to look past Stan and raise an eyebrow in Kenny’s direction. Eric leaned forward as well from his right, both eyebrows raised, waiting for Kenny’s likely interesting reply.   
  
“Oh. I forgot.” Kenny rolled his eyes, kicking some snow into the street with his ratty, knockoff Converse. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes, packing the box a few times against his palm before pulling one out and stuffing it in his mouth. “I fucked Kelly Stevenson last night.”   
  
Amidst Kyle and Eric’s conspiratorial gasps, Stan diverted his gaze to his feet, snorting.   
  
“ _ What _ ? That new girl from Iowa? Isn’t she like, crazy Catholic?” Kyle asked incredulously. “How the hell?”   
  
“It’s his shitty, poor boy dishevelment.” Eric commented, already disinterested and snacking on some kind of candy from inside his jacket pocket. “Somehow gets the girls all splay-legged, thinking he’s a bad boy or some shit.”

Kenny shrugged. “What can I say? The bitches fall all over themselves for a chance at  _ all _ this,” he remarked sarcastically.

Stan snatched the cigarette from Kenny’s mouth just as he was about to light it, taking the opportunity to swipe his lighter while Kenny was still stunned. He lit it himself, taking a puff as Kenny raised his arms in the universal gesture for  _ what-the-fuck?  _

“Dude, what the fuck?” He shook his head, angrily knocking another cigarette out of the pack and seizing the lighter from its temporary thief. “I thought you quit,  _ Stanley _ ?”

“Sometimes you just need a goddamn cigarette.”

“So you steal  _ mine _ ? What kind of situational irony is that, stealing a cigarette from an impoverished man?” Kenny asked in faux criticism, giving Stan his most pathetic puppy dog eyes. Stan stared back in disinterest, unfazed, until Kenny gave him a slow, smug grin and a playful wink.

Stan rolled his eyes but smirked back, taking a long drag on his cigarette.   
  
“Eugh,” Eric uttered in disdain. “You guys act so  _ gay _ someti - oh,  _ wait _ . You  _ are _ .”

“Pansexual, actually,” Kenny chimed delightedly, holding his hand out to Stan. “You owe me thirty cents, by the way. Feed the poor boy.”

“Bi,” Stan corrected, elbowing Kyle in the ribs. “Give me thirty cents.”   
  
Kyle yelped in surprise, having been completely engrossed in his phone until that very moment. “And why should I?”   
  
“‘Cause you  _ wove _ me?”

Kyle scoffed and dug in his pocket for change. “Whatever.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stan couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Her lips on his neck, his hands on her ass, laying on Kenny’s tiny twin-sized mattress. She’d mutter something about him being “so hot,” and he’d just smirk and grind against her -

Stan grimaced, watching from his locker as Kelly passed Kenny in the hallway. Her face flushed and she tucked her brown hair behind her ear shyly, hardly able to look at him even though his back was turned. Stan could admit that she had a very classic beauty about her, especially in her modernized, 50’s-inspired swing dress. He was still annoyed, though. 

She stopped there, behind him, obviously trying to muster up the courage to say something.

_ This oughta be good _ , Stan thought, his eyebrows raising in surprise as her lips actually moved.

Kenny turned to her, and she somehow got redder. She couldn’t even make eye contact. Stan couldn’t hear what she was saying, but she was very much rambling, her mouth moving a million miles a minute, and Kenny threw off his hood, a look of distaste on his face.

Nonetheless, he gently touched her hand, saying something Stan could only assume was akin to gentle assurance, though Stan would probably only hear the impatience in it.

She finally looked him in the face, took a deep breath, and said something else.

Kenny, looking absolutely unsurprised, gave her a shrug and a grin, mouthing a short, clipped sentence.

Kelly’s indignant screech halted the entire hallway, every student in the vicinity throwing a startled look in her direction. Kenny let out a pained grunt as Kelly’s fist connected with his stomach.

“What _ ever _ , you  _ loser! _ ” She shrieked, huffing angrily, turning on her heel and prancing off, the  _ click-clack _ of her two-inch heels resounding through the now-silent hallway.

Stan sighed.  _ Guess I should go over there. _

As Stan kicked off from the locker and trudged in Kenny’s direction, students began muttering and laughing, Craig appearing out of seemingly nowhere to snicker in the face of a doubled-over Kenny. Stan heard the beginning of their conversation as he neared.   
  
“Nice one, idiot,” Craig said, smug and sarcastic. Kenny glared at him.

“If anyone deserved to get decked, it definitely wasn’t me,” he muttered, pulling his hood back onto his head. “She came over here and started it.”

“What’d she say?” Stan asked with genuine interest.

Kenny’s eyes met his, and Stan was pleased to see the irritation there. “She said she “wanted to have a fresh start here” and that, in a lot more words, my reputation isn’t  _ glittering _ , and that she doesn’t want to be associated with me.”

Craig barked a laugh. “ _ Ooh,  _ harsh.”

“So I told her she was a shit lay anyway.”

Amidst Craig’s fresh peals of laughter, Stan leaned his shoulder against the lockers beside his friend, watching as the other caught his breath and slowly stood back up, the back of his head knocking against the metal behind him.

“He’s laughing, but she really was,” Kenny said.

“Oh yeah?” Stan asked, shoving his hand into Kenny’s jacket pocket and pilfering his carton of cigarettes. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Oh, fuck yeah.”  

“Gay waaads,” Craig called after them.

“Pan.”   
  
“Bi.”   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And then she does this thing where she like,  _ bites my dick _ , and I genuinely feared for my life. Actual terror.”   
  
“Y’know, you’re whining a lot for a guy who knew he was trying to sleep with a virgin.”

“There’s  _ lots  _ of girls I’ve slept with who were virgins who  _ didn’t  _ try to  _ bite my dick off _ ,” Kenny emphasized, his arms gesticulating wildly, his speech slightly muffled by the cigarette between his lips. “And you’re one to talk. You broke up with Wendy right after you took her V-card.”

Stan shot him a questioning look. “I thought I told you what happened with that?”   
  
“What? There’s a  _ story _ ?”   
  
Stan nodded, putting his own well-puffed cigarette out on the brick wall behind him and chuckling as Kenny gracefully fell to the ground and into a neat criss-cross-applesauce.   
  
“Tell me, tell me!”   
  
Stan slid down the wall and into a sitting position as well, pulling off his beanie to scratch his scalp. “Alright. I could’ve sworn I told you, but.”   
  
“ _ Just say it I’m dying _ .”   
  
“Okay, okay,” Stan ceded with a laugh. “Well, we’re just getting started. As you know, it was that weekend my parents went to New York, so we were in my room. She gets my pants off and she goes down on me, y’know, and she’s good. Like,  _ really  _ good. So I go, “You are  _ really  _ good at this for a virgin,” tryin’ to be all sexy an’ whatever...”   
  
“Oh no.”   
  
“Oh yes. She stops everything, literally  _ everything _ , to sit me down on my own goddamn bed and tell me that I’m not her first.”   
  
“ _ What _ .”   
  
“Yep,” Stan says mildly, with a shrug. “Needless to say, I did not, in fact, fuck her, ‘cause  _ bye mood _ . And the thing is, I wouldn’t have given a shit about it if she hadn’t kept lying to me about it. She could’ve just been honest.”   
  
“She might’ve been scared?”   
  
“No, and I know she was. But, and again, as you know -”   
  
“She broke up with  _ you _ . Yeah, I remember,” Kenny said, pulling his hood off and running a hand through his hair. He looked Stan in the eyes ( _ God, they’re so blue _ ), and he looked so earnest and genuinely interested that it made Stan feel warm. “But you never told me why. I mean, like. If you want to.”   
  
Trying to hold back a giddy grin and mostly failing ( _ Kenny cares, he cares _ ), Stan mock-winced, trying to play off the serious mood. “I dunno, dude. I just don’t feel like we know each other well eno -”   
  
Kenny smacked his arm. “Oh, shut the fuck up.”

When Stan stopped laughing, he began, “I cuddled her all night and assured her that I didn’t give a singular fuck that she wasn’t a virgin. She even cried about it. She finally fell asleep at like, four in the morning.”

Kenny pretended to cough, instead making the sound of a cracking whip with his mouth. Stan would’ve rolled his eyes if he’d had the energy. 

“Ha, ha. Yeah, we know. Anyway. I tried to maybe like, get her back in the mood in the morning, if anything to just drive home that I still wanted her. I was kissing her temple when she said that she thought we should break up.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, Kenny finishing his cigarette and Stan suddenly feeling very tired. Kenny slapped another cigarette and the lighter firmly into his hand, but Stan didn’t feel like having it. 

“I ended up being the one feeling unwanted. What a joke.”

Stan heard Kenny sigh; heard the familiar crunch of a cigarette being forcefully put out, then felt the  _ un _ familiar weight of his best friend climbing into his lap.  _ Wha  _ -

“Ken - ?”

“Stan. What was that mopey shit from this morning about?”

“Huh?”

Kenny rolled his eyes. “At the bus stop. When you pouted, then stole a cigarette when you know perfectly well I’ll gladly pass you one if you ask.”

Stan flushed, staring at Kenny like he’d just been caught watching porn. “I’m… it was just -”

“Honestly. I knew you needed some time to get over Wendy, and I gave you plenty. Which, truth be told, is why I asked,” he began kissing the sensitive skin of Stan’s throat, tugging the neck of his shirt to the side to get in a bit of collarbone. It sent a chill down Stan’s spine. “But then I started getting obvious. Then I started sleeping with people I’d literally  _ never  _ fuck -”

“Wait, what - ?”

“And then you have the  _ nerve  _ to go on and on about how  _ unwanted  _ you are, oh, poor Stan Marsh - ”

Stan shoved at Kenny’s shoulders, his breaths coming in quick puffs and his mind racing. Kenny hesitantly moved away, but only by a few inches, his hot gaze seemingly burning holes into Stan’s skin. “What are you  _ talking about _ ?”   
  
“Do you really think I would sleep with someone like Kelly fucking Stevenson without some kind of ulterior motive?” Kenny deadpanned.   
  
“I… I just thought you were really, uh, horny?”   
  
“Oh, I am,” Kenny said with a dry laugh. “Just not for a bitchy, bible-thumping rich girl or fucking  _ Clyde,  _ for Christ’s sake, why the hell would I even fuck  _ Closeted Clyde _ ?”   
  
“To… see if you could..?”   
  
“ _ No _ , you fucking  _ idiot _ ,” Kenny breathed, taking Stan’s chin in a vice, one-handed grip; he kissed him.   
  
At first, Stan was stunned. Kenny smelled so good; his lips were so soft; his hand clutched him so desperately - but then Kenny bit his lower lip.   
  
Stan gasped, raising his own hands to Kenny’s face to caress his cheeks, then to try and pull him deeper somehow. They kissed passionately, Kenny’s frustration palpable in it, and Stan nearly cried, because he was quickly realizing that he’d  _ wanted this _ .   
  
He gripped Kenny’s hips and hitched him higher on his lap, rubbing circles into his hip bones as they kissed, and Kenny brought his hands around to the back of Stan’s head, sifting his hands through his hair and using his tongue to make a map of Stan’s mouth.

It was all bliss, until Kenny started laughing.

Stan made a grumpy noise, pushing the other boy away with an annoyed huff. “You were “just playing around,” weren’t you?”

“What?” Kenny asked incredulously through his laughter. “ _ No _ . I was just thinking that, if you didn’t bang Wendy, does that mean  _ you’re  _ still a virgin?”   
  
Stan blushed brightly, up to his ears, and Kenny was so ridiculously endeared to it that his laughs turned into gentle, playful giggles. 

“You totally are, aren’t you.”

“ _ Shut up _ .”   
  
“It’s okay. We’ll fix that.”


End file.
